today the ex posted a status on fbook including the line ”this bachelor thing isn’t going away anytime soon” and a month ago i would have killed to see him say that. nothing would have made me happier. but today, it doesnt really faze me. im proud of that. :)
i know you’re probably not reading this, because if you are i hate you for knowing my “tmblr” url and not telling me. but i want to leave myself a permanent thank you to you so i never forget just how lucky i am to have you in my life. i dont know how you knew i needed to talk to you tonight, but you called just to chat and i love you for that. thank you for trusting me with things you dont tell anyone else. thank you for listening to my fears about school. thank you for entertaining me with stories of the copioli brothers and your new found sleep eating habit. thank you for not yelling at me when you know im not doing what i should to take care of myself. some days you are the glue that keeps me together. and for that, i am forever grateful.
unpacking and repacking
dont remember the last time i was this lonely
twy aren’t even helping…
how could I forget Lolla was tomorrow? D:
10. Everyway (Circa Survive); “I’m so mistaken/ Lost my direction/ My souls been shaken”
9. A Camera Lens and Careful Days (Lydia); The George Jung quote towards the end shakes me to the core every time I listen to this. He sounds so scared, but so at peace with his choices. Like this is the way it was always meant to be.
8. The Brilliant Dance (Dashboard Confessional); I’m not sure if this song helped or hurt when I was going through my bad break-up. I remember laying on my make shift bed on my floor, because I just didn’t want to sleep in that bed, with The Brilliant Dance on repeat and starting to sob all over again every time Chris sang “And this is incredible, starving, insatiable, yes this is love for the first time. You’d like to think that you were invincible, yeah well weren’t we all once before we felt loss for the first time? Well this is the last time.” Trite? Absolutely.
7. This Is Twice Now (Lydia); The first song I heard by my favorite band. It was after school, a cloudy day. I was in Jenna’s passenger seat and we were on Canal just east of Schoenherr. This song came on her ipod and all I wanted was to sit in her car and listen to it over and over and over. So the obsession began…
6. Semi-Charmed Life (Third Eye Blind); IRI 2010. The DJ must have played this song a dozen times throughout the weekend. Ian, who never left my side, sang along every time, throwing in different words where they would do the “Do do do, do do do do” part. He would go “Nine-ties-song, do do do do. John-V-Neun do do do do” and I would cry laughing. Of course he had to try to fit “”Kanagasabapathy” in there some where. No such luck. So yeah. That’s how a song about crystal meth became our song.
5. Konstantine (Something Corporate); Really, no explanation is needed.
4. The Permanent Rain (The Dangerous Summer); It took me four years to figure out what this song was about. It’s not complicated, just not overt. I feel like this song belongs to me in a way. I would post all the lyrics if I had the room to do so.
3. Kill (Jimmy Eat World); “You kill me, you’ve got some nerve but can’t face your mistakes”
2. Ocean (John Butler Trio); I wish I knew what to say about this song. No words, no band. Just John Butler and his 12-string. It’s bliss.
1. Sleep Well (Lydia); “Darling, you fucked up”
20. Best of Me (The Starting Line); Gives me hope. For what, I’m not sure. This song just makes you feel like its all going to fall back into place.
19. Finders Keepers (You Me At Six);
18. The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most (Dashboard Confessional); I probably listen to too much Dashboard.
17. Hear You Me (Jimmy Eat World); “A song for a heart so big, god wouldn’t let it live”
16. Wake Up (The Dangerous Summer); Perfect summation of being left behind
15. Baby, You Wouldn’t Last a Minute on the Creek (Chiodos); Watching him perform this is paralyzing.
14. Buddy Holly (Weezer); ”OOOO EEE OOOO”
13. Kicking Your Crosses Down (Circa Survive); Just more Circa genius. I don’t know what it is about this song.
12. Desolate (The Conductor) (Woe, Is Me Feat. Jonny Craig); MY TWO FAVORITE VOICES IN ONE SONG HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY. No seriously. Listening to Tyler do the “Sweartogod…” run and Jonny with the “We have had enough.” They are so fucking talented.
11. All My Friends Are In Bar Bands (The Wonder Years); Literally is the perfect end to a perfect album. Listening to this song makes me feel close to Jenna and Becca no matter where they are.
30. There, There Katie (Jack’s Mannequin); Sobbed the first time I heard this song. It was just what I needed at the time.
29. Screaming Infidelities (Dashboard Confessional); No one sings heartache like Chris.
28. I Believe in a Thing Called Love (The Darkness); Again, soundtrack to my best friends.
27. Spirit of the Stairwell (Circa Survive); It’s sad in a way I’ve never felt from a song before.
26. Take Me Home, Country Roads (John Denver);
25. Now the One You Once Loved is Leaving (Lydia); Mindy White was an incredible addition to that band.
24. Save Your Scissors (City and Colour);
23. Red Letter (This Condition); I’m pretty sure it was written about me
22. Bruised (Jack’s Mannequin); Plane ride home from Atlanta, for the next few months I was bruised.
21. Fame>Demise (Acoustic) (Tyler Carter); I love his voice I love his voice I love his voice.
40. Sweetness (Jimmy Eat World);
39. Punk Rock Princess (Something Corporate); Not sure why I’m still so attached to this song.
38. What Do You Do (The Mission in Motion); Drunk duets with Jon. Its a super cute song.
37. Swing Life Away (Rise Against);
36. Of Confidence (The Dangerous Summer); I love the way his voice sounds so hurried when he sings the chorus.
35. Work (Jimmy Eat World);
34. Here Comes the Sun (The Beatles); Much respect for George Harrison.
33. Best of You (Foo Fighters);
32. There Is (Boxcar Racer);
31. Jasey Rae (All Time Low); "I’ve never told a lie, and that makes me a liar. I’ve never made a bet but we gamble with desire. I’ve never lit a match with intent to start a fire, but recently the flames are getting out of control"
50. Gimme Sympathy (Metric); “Who would you rather be, The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?” More valid and complex question than you initially think.
49. We Didn’t Start the Fire (Billy Joel); The sound of my friendship with Becca and Jenna. Why we all happened to know all the words to this song, I will never know.
48. Crown on the Ground (Sleigh Bells); Yeah it’s mostly just noise. But really kick ass noise.
47. Push (Matchbox 20);
46. Drunk Girl (Something Corporate); How I was introduced to Andrew McMahon.
45. Landslide (Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks);
44. You Get What You Give (New Radicals);
43. Body Bag (Hit the Lights); Sorry for being such an edgy, rapey band.
42. If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Had to Do Was Ask (Mayday Parade); Love love love love love the bridge. “You dropped a note and we changed key you changed yourself and I changed me. I really didn’t see us singing through this. But you screamed the bridge and I cried the verse and our chorus came out unrehearsed. And you smiled the whole way through it, I’m guessing maybe that’s what’s worst”
41. Ender Will Save Us All (Dashboard Confessional); Did not know for the longest time that his middle name was “Ender”
60. Turpentine Chaser (Dashboard Confessional); I love Chris Carrabba.
59. Have Faith in Me (A Day to Remember);
58. Black Balloon (Goo Goo Dolls);
57. Adam’s Song (blink-182); The piano is stellar.
56. Never Let You Go (Third Eye Blind); It just makes me happy.
55. Fever Dreams (Circa Survive); Steve really lets out all the stops on this one. The beat is just awesome on everyone’s part, but the drums oh my goddddd
54. A Toast to the Future Kids! (Emarosa); Yeah this is pretty much a place holder for Jonny Craig. Jonny Craig is number 54 on my list.
53. El Scorcho (Weezer); Sah cute.
52. My Understandings (Of Mice & Men); Shayley absolutely blows me away.
51. It’s In Your Blood (Lydia); “Well they’re just thoughts, so go ahead and speak”
70. Bent (Matchbox 20); “Can you help me I’m bent, I’m so scared that I’ll never get put back together.”
69. I’m A Bore, Mostly (Deaf Havana); “I spend most of my days neither sleeping no awake” Best intro ever?
68. Carolina Heat (You, Me, and Everyone We Know); ”And with empty stomachs and hungry eyes our only choice was to swallow pride and I guess you just ate much better than the rest”
67. Heaven or Hell (The Morning Of); Aaron’s voice was the perfect addition to this song.
66. Wonderwall (Oasis);
65. Paintings of Paul Revere (Fireworks); It took me a while to really fall in love with this song. But it really is beautiful, in a tragic way.
64. The Scientist (Coldplay); Don’t know why this one resonates with me.
63. If I Only Had the Heart (The Maine); “If I only had the heart, the nerve, the words, you think that by now, I would have learned”
62. Satellite (Dave Matthews Band); Don’t judge. It’s a pretty song.
61. Tighten Up (The Black Keys); Best groove ever.
80. On Letting Go (Circa Survive); “If blood is thicker than water then you’ll drown quicker than we intended”
79. Inertiatic Esp (The Mars Volta); How can you not love this song.
78. Avada Kedavra (The Age of Rockets); The soundtrack to my late night drive home. The verses are so carefully and thoughtfully constructed, in lyrics and beat. It’s seamless.
77. Sympathy (Goo Goo Dolls); So much nostalgia.
76. Somebody to Love (Queen);
75. The Funeral (Band of Horses);
74. Life is Killing Me (Fireworks); “It would kill me to tell you that this country got the best of my morals”
73. Everything is Alright (Motion City Soundtrack); If memory serves, this was the first song I listened to in the punk-pop genre. And it’s still silly and great.
72. Frozen Creek (Circa Survive); Beautifully haunting; heart-breaking.
71. Blue and Yellow (The Used);