I really couldn’t give you an appropriate title if I tried.
Why now? Now that I’m 20 it’s a good time to try to know me again? After eight years of one-sided contact, you, out of the blue, let me know I mean something to you once more. I’m (almost) speechless.
For almost an entire year, leading up to my 18th birthday, I emailed you twice a month. I know you got those emails, we talked about it briefly when I ran into you at Science O two years ago. (Everything always comes full circle, right.) No we didn’t even talk about it. I asked why and you had this look… Like you wanted to tell me everything but you couldn’t. You looked guilty too. And I hope you know that I know why. But I digress. I thought for sure I would hear from you on my 18th. Maybe not a novella of what you’ve been doing for six years, but at least a “Happy birthday you’re an adult now so I can share with you what happened because you didn’t deserve to be left in the dark like that by either party so I’m going to be the one to tell you because I have that much respect for you.” But no. That didn’t happen. Nothing did. I was suffocating and writhing in my burning need to know. You left me hanging for another two years! Unless you count the unexpected interaction at HFII’s homecoming football game in ‘10. (That night was fucked up for so many reasons, not just because I saw you.)
So here we are. I know it’s trite, but I’m not the little girl I was. I don’t idolize you. I don’t want to tell you when I read some great fan fic. I don’t want to eat bumpy cake with you on your birthday. I don’t even want to reply to you. I don’t know what to say.
"Hey! Nice to know I’m not the black plague to you anymore! How’s life? Where are you teaching? Why’d you try to ruin my family?"
(I can’t imagine that’d go over well.)
At 20 years old, I can no longer remember if I read those emails between the two of you, or if I imagined them. That haunts me, still. You had no right to her. To me, to Meg, to Joe; no one.
You had absolutely no fucking right to the catastrophe that you caused.
SLAM YOUR FACE ON THE KEYBOARD:About 3 things i was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him, and i didnt know how dominant that part might be, that thirsted for my blood. And third, i was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him